Nocturnal Animals

A morose art gallery curator (Amy Adams), with her second marriage to a suave, disloyal decorator (Armie Hammer) on the outs, receives by mail the latest novel from her ex-husband (Jake Gyllenhaal) which tells the story of a family being terrorized on a Texas highway by a band of marauders, and severely shakes her up and impacts her sense of guilt. Tom Ford's Nocturnal Animals is an attempt to blend his own sleek, lifeless vision with some sort of feeble attempt at modern noir resulting in a phony, pretentious, clearly Oscar luring, unintentionally funny muddle that brings down the fine cast assembled around it which also includes an amusing Michael Shannon and an insufferable Aaron Taylor-Ross.

1/2 * out of ****

Da Sweet Blood of Jesus

A black anthropologist summering on Martha's Vineyard rescues a visitor from suicide, but becomes fascinated, and quickly possessed, by the ancient artifact brought to him by his friend. Soon, he is drinking blood and romanticizing his mate's estranged wife. Spike Lee's Da Sweet Blood of Jesus is pious, pretentious (daresay prejudiced) dreck, not too mention boring and woefully acted with a dreadful Bruce Horsnby score and a gnawing soundtrack to boot. The film is a remake of a 1973 Bill Gunn blaxploitation Ganja and Hess, unseen by me, so I can't measure up the two, but I can wish that instead of pursuing woeful remakes (while making fans pay his films production cost at that) Spike returns to the well, in which their is considerable substance, and finds another way to remember how to make a quality movie.

1/2 * out of ****

Nymphomaniac (Vols. I and II)

A woman (Charlotte Gainsbourg) is found beaten in an alley by a lonely stranger (Stellan Skarsgard) who takes her home, providing food and shelter, while she relays her promiscuous biography and her growing and alarming propensity for perilous sexual encounters. With over four exploitative, sadistic, explicit, dull, and uninvolving hours (and an even greater duration in a godforsaken director's cut), Nymphomaniac represents Lars von Trier at his boorish, pretentious worst, and features putrid acting from an embarrassed cast except for a strong though disturbing performance from von Trier's perpetual punching bag Gainsbourg.

1/2 * out of ****

The Paperboy

A reporter (Matthew McConaughey), his kid brother (Zac Efron), a British activist (David Oyelowo), and a death row groupie (Nicole Kidman) fight to exonerate a white trasher (John Cusack) convicted of the murder of a reprobate sheriff in 1960s Florida and get entangled in the grisly case, more so than they initially dared. Coming off the success of Precious, director Lee Daniels follows up with this raunchy crime drama with an overblown performance from Kidman, a severely miscast Cusack, and pretty good turns from McConaughey and Efron. The film is relentlessly unpleasant, but the problem isn't just that this is lurid trash, it's tedious lurid trash.

Cosmopolis

With an imminent stock market collapse and people rioting in the streets, a 28-year-old billionaire journeys on a daylong voyage across Manhattan to get his hair cut. That's about all I could gather was going on or rather all that's worth noting about the latest film from David Cronenberg. From a novel by Don DeLillo, Cosmopolis is murky and impenetrable, keeping the viewer at arm's length, and features a bland, entirely uninvolving performance from Robert Pattinson.

Love Liza

Relapsing into despair after finding the suicide note of his recently deceased wife, a young man (Philip Seymour Hoffman) takes to huffing gas fumes, and then to a radio controlled airplane hobby in order to console his consuming grief (I think that's all the plot description I can bear to muster). "Love Liza" is an incredibly bad and misguided film, featuring a putrid performance from Hoffman, which consists of a lot of yelling and blubbering, all from a poorly conceived screenplay written by his brother Gordy and directed guilelessly by Todd Louiso. 

Holy Motors

A man for hire from a variety of professions, from performance artist to hitman, drives around the city of lights in a white limo which doubles as a dressing, changing faces while attending to an assortment of details. "Holy Motors" is a film which I expected to try try my patience, and did so from the very first frame, and never once relented during the course of its two hours of inanity. Strangeness for the sake of strangeness only results in pointlessness, and I was amazed that I made it through the duration of this nonsense, feeling the impulse to leave several times throughout. Many reviews have praised Denis Lavant's performance, who dons nine or so different personages throughout the film, but to what end does it service?  "Holy Motors" is a film which defies explanation, but more to the point, defies any logical justification for seeing it. I now await backlash from the hipster set criticizing me for not getting this avant-garde bullshit.

Goon

While at a hockey match, a feeble minded bartender (Seann William Scott) bloodies an obnoxious heckler to a pulp, which is just the quality being sought out by the local semi-pro team. Now, guided by his vulgarian best friend (Jay Baruchel), the mentally defective psychotic with a heart of gold now has the opportunity to lead to team to glory. "Goon" is a frighteningly confused film that gives credence to a homicidal imbecile simply because he means well, and tells his story in a completely ineffectual, unfunny fashion. It is the kind of film where like-minded blockheads cheer along in glee as person after person has their face bashed in, which is in turn shown by the filmmakers in intimate clarity. As someone who intakes a high volume of films, I still vet the movies in my queue, and am usually able to avoid shit like this. "Goon" seems like a vehicle written exclusively for Adam Sandler, which even he would have the sense to turn down.

The Hangover Part II

The Hangover Part II is a shameless exercise which exists for the sole purpose of capitalizing on the immensely successful original film. It takes the same actors and plugs the into the same plot where the exact same antics ensue. It is entirely similar to the first film, except that it is more raunchy and entirely devoid of freshness and laughs. It would have been slightly less offensive, and the studio would have saved some time and money,  if they released the original film with a '2' inserted after the title, which is basically what they did.